Cuffing season. Netflix and chill – sounds familiar especially if you’re single. If you are new to my blog, read this post – Single, Saved & Horny http://bit.ly/2eUq0w8
Today, loving God while desiring sex seems to remain a sensitive issue in the Body of Christ (church).It’s unfortunate that it’s still a taboo when there are so many born-again Christians having sex outside of marriage. And this includes pornography, masturbation, adultery, swinging and more. According to a survey conducted by Christian Mingle, “2014 State of Dating in America“, 87% persons surveyed would have sex before marriage, and, likewise, 87% didn’t think anything wrong with moving in with someone before marriage.
Most people know right from wrong. The reason I wrote this post is not to bash anyone but to help other Christians struggling with lust, loneliness and depression. Friend, there is nothing wrong with feeling horny and loving Jesus. It’s natural especially if you’ve indulged in premarital sex but it’s not Christ-like to act upon our feelings outside of marriage. I know 80’s babies (myself) and millennials don’t care for this rant because it sounds judgmental but recently, I’ve been fighting like never before to think and do right. It is a WAR to honor God in today’s society. However, it’s possible to be in the world and not conform to it after one has accepted Jesus Christ.
Contrary to social media, I am not a perfect woman behind the makeup and success. Everyday, I repent for sin but there’s a part of me that desires to NOT keep repenting for the same sin over and over even though Jesus will forgive me. After a while, true repentance shouldn’t always be an apology. True repentance is a change of heart accompanied by boundaries, discipline and determination. Besides being a 32 yo-virgin, I am also challenged with lust and loneliness but I must say I can laugh at how thirsty I was years ago while in college. It was frustrating back then defending why a beautiful, successful woman is still a virgin and unmarried but I gained confidence by emptying my broken heart to God, declining a few invites, reading the bible and changing toxic habits.
This year has been the hardest for me being single and I know it’s because I’m close to my breakthrough. And it’s not another cliche or message from some video. This is real to me.
Trust me, I get it. It’s the holidays, party and wedding invites are flooding your inbox and the loneliness is real. But please choose wisely who you cuff with in every season. Do you really want to cuff with a man who constantly disrespects you or cheats on you? Are you prepared to cuff every month only for a booty-call? Y’all broke up but it still hurts? That small transaction (oral sex, fondling, squeezing) turned into an STD, a baby and a soul tie that’s killing you softly. No more singing Another sad love song like Toni Braxton. If you’re going to cuff, cuff with Christ first and rest your soul!
The truth is, some folks believe that God is asleep and there are no consequences for blatantly disobeying Him. That’s old testament stuff. I believe some things are held up because of our decisions. I had to literally start casting down thoughts of lust and feelings of wanting to be married like yesterday because God wants nothing before Him. Newsflash – an idol is not just a figure (Buddha or a Jesus necklace). An idol is anything you adore, lust, fantasize or think about more than God. Like you at work waiting for “that text”. I’ve been guilty of idolatry and I had to repent and refocus my energy. And I’m especially ready for marriage because I’m in my career, got the house, business, etc but I’ve convinced myself that the same God that delivered me out of poverty, healed my heart and revealed my purpose knows I want a husband. So in addition to renewing your mind,
Here’s how to handle cuffing/winter season:
- Involve yourself in activities that will help you develop your purpose and passion. No more time to waste.
- Find your value in Christ and not through from people & stuff (titles, shoes, social media, etc)
- Find an accountability partner who will help you overcome sexual immorality, depression, fears, etc.
- Seek deliverance/healing from the past (counseling, coaching, retreats, social media breaks). Face insecurities.
- Open that bible/app. Be honest w/God. You won’t WIN in life if your heart and soul are all jacked up.
- Set boundaries. Protect your ears & eyes. The flesh is a mess. Resist it. No sleep overs. Cut it!
- Replace bad habits with new habits. Go out, travel, start a hobby, set dates in public and not at your apt.
- Read/invest in materials that can re-wire your mind about love & marriage (books, videos. mentoring)
- Connect w/other like-minded people. Learn discipline, sacrifice and how to make faith-based decisions.
- You are NOT alone in this journey. The struggle is real but so is the God watching over us ALL!
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