I wasn’t always excited about the word daddy growing up. Everyone wants to know their daddy especially females. I don’t care if you’re an 18 or 34 year old male or female, entrepreneur, college dropout or sales associate reading this blog post and you don’t have a healthy relationship with your father, it bothered you at some point. Well, I’m glad you stopped by so keep reading.
If you follow me online or saw me speak at an event, you probably think my life looks perfect when it actuality, it’s not my friend. Born and raised in The Bahamas, my father walked out of my life when I was a little girl. So I grew up without a male-figure in my home until age seven when my mother (RIP) married my stepfather.Needless to say, the developmental stages of my life was very challenging. And the reason I say that it was challenging is because children especially girls, should be affirmed first at home and I wasn’t.
My gentle and loving stepfather did the best he could to help raise me and make me feel like daddy’s girl but it wasn’t enough. You see friend, you may have believed like I did that God only wanted my mother to be my everything and she couldn’t. I have the most respect for single mothers because my mother and grandmother raised me for a season but this is not God’s order for the family. God never wanted a woman to teach a boy how to hold his penis in the bathroom or how to shoot a basketball on the court. But because women are naturally nurturers, we do what we have to do even if we have spend time a lot of time learning.
Fast forward to reuniting in 2005,I learned the truth about why my biological father left Nassau and moved to Florida. Prior to this reunion, I had a nonchalant attitude about men. I never grew a hate for men but it wasn’t a concern of mine to have my father in my life even as a teenager because in my opinion, my mother did an exceptional job. So when I left Nassau and relocated to Miami, I rededicated my life to Christ and stopped playing church once and for all. Then it all happened.
I felt a tug on my heart to have a conversation with my father when I got home from a service. This was no easy task because black people esp folks living in the Caribbean don’t like therapy sessions. Well, I was sick and tired of the sadness so I asked my daddy to sit down and listen to what I had to say. So essentially, God made us uncomfortable in order to begin breaking generational curses.
Now while I was mad at my daddy for leaving my life, my daddy was holding onto unforgiveness for years because my grandmother changed the locks on the house we were renting. However, she had her reason because she caught him cheating with another woman. This cheating spirit was so bad friend, I have a brother born a week after me! Yes. But here’s what I want you to understand. Everything we do/say stems from a spirit. My daddy had 9 children with 8 different women because having sex with lots of women was normal for him. His father was the same way which led to my 2 of my brothers on his side repeating his habits. This is an example of a curse. The spirit of lust, greed,lies and adultery are all real.I’m sharing this to expose the enemy regarding Father’s day weekend and it’s time for all of us to have some heart-to-heart conversations.
So for almost 14 years, I blamed my daddy for every negative thing that happened in my life including the molestation. After we spoke, peace and reconciliation occurred because God wanted me to take the first step. God restored what was broken to the point where he attended my college graduations,birthday dinners and even started going on lunch dates at my favorite island restaurants in Miami.
Friend,don’t allow the lies of the devil beat you up this weekend.Our parents did their best to raise us so it’s time to release them.God wants you to make that call,send an email,buy him lunch or visit his “new” family even if you don’t like them.It’s not about you.It’s about God strengthening your faith and healing your heart from the past.Your father might be deceased but if you never wanted to face the feelings,give them over to God so you can experience peace. Your love life might be struggling because of bitterness or anger.I’m encouraging you to DO THE WORK friend. If God cleaned up 14 years of pain and restored it in 8 years for me,imagine what He can do in your family.I went from being fatherless to now having three fathers in my life – God, my biological father & step-father!
I know it’s hard to love and respect someone who was never really been present in your life but again,how long will you hold on to the hurt and pain? Maybe you feel rejected and abandoned. I’ve been there too but ask God to restore everything that’s broken with you especially if you’re a parent. If you need prayer about your father,baby daddy,ex or a man who abused you,please feel free to leave a comment or message me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Here’s to healing – again!